By Pastor Hans Lee
In October of last year, I decided to reach out to Pastor John Hulden to let him know of my openness to and interest in serving as an interim pastor, after having taken some time off (testing out retirement).
About a month later I received a call from Bishop Ann, who surprisingly asked me if I would consider coming to the Synod Office to serve as her Executive Assistant on an interim basis. Really? Despite my hesitation and after giving fair warning that I really wasn’t qualified, I agreed to help out for a couple months, beginning in January of this year.
“I was grateful to hear the gospel proclaimed in a way that didn’t dismiss the reality of suffering.”
Then the unimaginable happened. My life, and the life of my family, was turned upside down on December 14, 2022, when our precious 3½ month old granddaughter, Lucy Jo, died in her sleep. She was perfect and healthy, and there is nothing in the world that could have prepared her parents, and all of us, for this tragedy.
I’m writing this blog on the fifth day of Easter. Easter Sunday was hard, but I got myself to worship. Some of my family members just couldn’t do Easter worship this year, but I was grateful to hear the gospel proclaimed in a way that didn’t dismiss the reality of suffering.
GRIEF IS A LONG AND arduous journey. We don’t fill the void, but maybe learn to live with it. I’ve appreciated what Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote not long before he was executed in 1944; here’s an excerpt: “There is nothing , that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so… but gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.” In a strange way, feelings of gratitude — for family and friends who have been powerfully present — have washed over me these past few months, and I hope that one day gratitude really does “transform the torment of memory [of Lucy Jo] into silent joy.”
I considered backing out of the commitment I made to Bishop Ann in November. I was scheduled to start this interim position less than three weeks after Lucy died. I decided to give it a try, not so I could push the grief aside, but to see what it was like outside my circle of mourners. I had no idea what would happen. Would I start one day and quit the next? Maybe.
“I decided to give the interim position a try, not so I could push the grief aside, but to see what it was like outside my circle of mourners.”
The plan was for me to be in the office for two months, which became two-and-a-half months, which became thee months, and now came to an end at the end of last week. I’m glad I did it, and I’m glad to add the Minneapolis Area Synod staff to those people for whom I am grateful!